Childbirth very often separates the couple’s relationship into before and after. Sometimes this contrast is very noticeable. The husband used to be caring, gentle, and responsible. It was as if he had been replaced after the arrival of his wife from the hospital. Nervousness, detachment, unwillingness to help care for the baby, and other odd behaviors. Not all young mothers are aware of the reasons for such habits of a partner.
All the care and tenderness of a woman is devoted to the child, and the husband remains deprived of attention. This situation breeds jealousy on the part of the man. Let’s analyze the causes of its occurrence and possible solutions to the problem.
Why Husbands Become Jealous of Baby
The appearance of a new man in a young family should complement harmony. Sometimes mutual understanding between spouses disappears after this event. The perpetrators of omissions are usually men who begin to compete for the love of a beloved woman with their child on a subconscious level.
Not all couples turn to family psychologists to resolve the situation. Misunderstanding between spouses grows and quarrels between them become more frequent. The husband is jealous of the baby stronger over time. Psychologists classify several causes of fathers’ jealousy of their children.
1. The man did not develop a paternal instinct
Puberty in men occurs later and they mature psychologically later than the representatives of the opposite sex. Many 30-year-old men remain teenagers at heart. They cannot immediately get used to the new role of the father after the birth of the child.
The fact that he is the only child in the family can aggravate the situation. He is used to receiving abundant attention in everything and so painfully perceives the switching of his wife’s attention to another family member.
2. The bad influence of friends
The environment of the newly-made dad is not limited to his wife and newborn child. The husband arranges gatherings with friends or colleagues despite the lack of free time. He can hear from “experienced” fathers that everything changes after the birth of a child.
Similar words sound: all the savings are spent on things for the child, there is less free time, forget about the regular sex life. It is not surprising that the husband sees in the child not the crown of his love, but the cause of additional problems after such statements.
3. Rejection of changes in the wife
It is difficult for men to adjust to their wife’s mood swings during pregnancy. Perturbations occur again after childbirth. Changes relate to appearance and demeanor. It is difficult to say which of these two aspects annoys men the most. Men love with their eyes and notice all the flaws in the appearance of their beloved after childbirth. They begin to subconsciously or not blame the baby for this.
Serious changes can also affect sexual life. The wife does not show as much passion and tenderness in bed as before. Caring for a newborn takes a lot of effort. It does not allow spouses to enjoy each other even at night. This angers the newly-made father because all the attention goes to the baby and the husband remains deprived.
4. The desire to be the perfect father is shattered by the harsh reality
Not all men get jealous immediately after the baby is born. Many are kind to their child and help their wife in every possible way to care for him. The inability to carry out some assignments hurts self-esteem.
It was not possible to change diapers for the tenth time in a row, feed the baby from a bottle, etc. Listening to reproaches on such occasions greatly hurts the male ego. Inner anger and resentment eventually develop into real jealousy.
5. Perhaps your husband is pathologically jealous
It’s hard to imagine, but such people exist. They tend to be jealous of anyone for no apparent reason. This trait of character is instilled in them from birth. A woman should notice this inclination of a partner even before pregnancy. It is naive to believe that something will change after the birth of the baby. Jealousy for a newborn in a husband can also arise groundlessly.
Husband Jealous of Baby Leads to Arguments
It is easy to imagine a husband’s jealousy of his wife’s child from a previous marriage. Someone else’s responsibility that fell on his shoulders is a strong argument for unpleasant feelings. Young mothers are completely bewildered by their husband’s jealousy of their child. To a child who was planned and should be loved by both parents.
Maternal instinct can prevail over the feeling of falling in love with a partner, and a man is not always aware of this. It juxtaposes near-perfect times before childbirth and is filled with worries after. The child in his mind acts as a catalyst for family troubles.
Jealousy should not Escalate into Violence
Most women endure the alienation of their husbands tolerantly and go deep into the upbringing of the baby. Men are not ready to admit their defeat and jealousy sometimes leads to family dramas. Quarrels and even fights between spouses become commonplace. It all starts with small verbal skirmishes. It can even come to a serious conflict.
The worst thing is when a child suffers from this jealousy. The father punishes the child for any offense without shying away from the assault. Children are innocent creatures and it is difficult for them to understand such an attitude of their father towards themselves. Children do not understand the causes of jealousy. It is in the power of the mother to isolate the child from the baseless aggression of her husband.
How to Prevent Husband Jealousy of Baby
Psychological breakdown after childbirth most often occurs in men. Even though it was the woman who carried the baby under her heart for 9 months and gave birth in pain. Her maternal instinct wakes up even before the baby is born. It only gets worse after giving birth.
On the shoulders of a young mother is assigned another important task in addition to caring for the baby. Maintaining healthy relationships in the family to a large extent depends on the behavior of the wife. Let’s give some advice.
Share childcare responsibilities
It will be very difficult for you alone to carry out all the care of a newborn. Delegate some of the responsibilities to your husband. Do not impose certain features and resolve them in a constructive dialogue. Let him do what is closer to his liking – walking with a child or bathing him.
Sometimes change your chosen responsibilities. This division of labor will allow for an emotional bond between father and child. The young mother will have a little more rest and time for her own business.
Praise the young dad
Not all dads manage to change the diaper correctly the first time. This also applies to some other functions. It is worth helping them at least with advice the first time. Fathers adapt over time and perform tasks better.
Don’t forget to praise them for it. Words of support will add confidence and encourage them to new “feats”. The more time the father spends with the newborn, the more he will become attached to him. Reasons for jealousy will be many times less.
Notice the similarities between father and child
Nice words give confidence. Try to mention often the strong similarities between the two people closest to you. Dad’s eyes, father’s nose, or look is an examples of how to arouse a sense of pride in a husband and bring him closer to a baby.
The method is very effective in any case. Do not stop talking about similar traits if the newborn bears little resemblance to the father in appearance. A man will be pleased to be aware of this similarity.
Make time for romance
Do not give your husband a reason to doubt your love. Show that you still love him dearly and deeply. Try to find time for joint rest more often as a loving couple. Going to a cafe for a cup of coffee, a romantic dinner at home by candlelight, watching your favorite movie, erotic massage.
All this will help to ensure that the flame of your love does not fade away and the husband will not be deprived of your attention. Daily cute hugs will remind him of your tenderness and stop any jealousy.